Please Critique My Resume

[drhugrobot]

Hi,

I graduated with a poor GPA. I haven't had an internship. However, I'm trying ever so hard to bury those mistakes and improve my resume.

I have attached my resume. Could you please give me any suggestions on how to improve it? I think that I, and others, would benefit from and appreciate any suggestions ranging from correction of grammatical errors, to more selective word choice, to suggesting new life experiences (i.e. volunteer more, get an internship, etc).

Thanks for all your help!

[alekhine4149]

Hi drhugrobot,

I am not qualified to critique an actuarial resume (not a manager), but I will give some opinions and my reasoning behind them so you can judge for yourself. Hopefully you get some others.

Personally, I find the layout and font pleasant. I'm not sure if others will feel this way, but I think it's nice.

I don't like the objective. I almost think you should just omit it. But if you do keep it, it shouldn't have words like creative, solutions, and rapidly growing company. Many of the best companies you could work for are not rapidly growing, so they may assume they aren't a good fit for you. Most jobs you apply for won't require much creativity (although it is important to be able to initiate a project that hasn't been done before), and again they may assume they aren't what you're looking for. Solutions is an absolute no. It was a big buzzword around 2003 or so, and it's out of rotation.

Education and exams are pretty good and clear in my opinion.

I don't know what honest retrospect means. Paraphrasing and execution also sound bizarre. You were serving sandwiches. It's a great job because Potbelly's tastes very good, and you were helping to feed thousands of hungry white yuppies. I wouldn't try to make it sound too fancy because it is a chance to show the interviewer that you worked hard at a fast pace in service to others.

The technical skills look fine.

The activities look great to me, and I think these help your cause!

Be prepared to discuss any of the items on the resume in detail during an interview, and be honest when GPA comes up. Good luck!

[drhugrobot]

alekhine4149, thanks for your suggestions.

I don't like the idea of an objective either, so that probably shone through in my objective statement. However, I've heard that most companies and their OCR scanners score resumes with objective statements higher than those without one. What has everyone else heard about that?

I was afraid of how those words in my job descriptions sounded. How could I beef up my job history without making it sound lame and useless?

Again, thanks for all your help alekhine4149!

[cmack]

I was told that an objective should be just that. What are you truly looking for? My objective for example is something along the lines of "an entry-level position in the actuarial field." Tell them what you want. No one is going to be so dazzled by the profundity of your objective that they will hire you or not.

[alekhine4149]

I was told that an objective should be just that. What are you truly looking for? My objective for example is something along the lines of "an entry-level position in the actuarial field." Tell them what you want. No one is going to be so dazzled by the profundity of your objective that they will hire you or not.

Agree, I would word it like that. Plain and direct wins in the actuarial field.

How could I beef up my job history without making it sound lame and useless?

I don't think the job history is bad at all. Most of us worked at such jobs. I worked at a car wash and a gas station. It shows that you weren't too spoiled.

to suggesting new life experiences (i.e. volunteer more, get an internship, etc).

Regarding this question from the original post, more exams and an internship would be fantastic. I think the volunteering is already winning.

[JS1]

You didn't capitalize any of the subject headings. You're trying to get into traditional business, not fancy-schmancy marketing.

Your objective is unrealistic since you have no experience. I like the suggestion to change it to "entry-level".

Put the actuarial club right after education since they are related.

Your retail experience has so many buzzwords and chest-thumping in it that one might think you are a scriptwriter. Delete everything except the name of the establishment and location.

Put the employment and activities in one section "activities". The fact that you did something instead of nothing is all you need, since you're not applying to a non-profit or educational job where this would be relevant. No one cares that you volunteered in two types of 5th grade classes, just the name and description is enough.

[drhugrobot]

My objective for example is something along the lines of "an entry-level position in the actuarial field." Tell them what you want. No one is going to be so dazzled by the profundity of your objective that they will hire you or not.

That's interesting because I've spoken to a HR rep. from American Family regarding my resume, and he told me almost the opposite. He preferred to see something more like, "Gain an actuarial internship with Ameriacn Family that uses my skills of..."

I understand that the effectiveness of my objective statement, as with the rest of my resume, will depend on the specific preferences of the HR rep. However, I just wanted to see if American Family's HR rep's suggestions mirrors the majority of HR rep's minds. Do you think he's in the minority or the majority?

You didn't capitalize any of the subject headings. You're trying to get into traditional business, not fancy-schmancy marketing.

I agree. I wanted to gauge the response to that creative choice.

Your retail experience has so many buzzwords and chest-thumping in it that one might think you are a scriptwriter. Delete everything except the name of the establishment and location.

I agree that my wording is overdone, but wouldn't it be better to tone them down then to eliminate them all together? I worked hard in those jobs, and I'd like to show that in my resume.

Other than that, I'm uneasy about taking the rest of your advice because it seems so bold. In all honesty, I like the suggestions, but I'm afraid that changing the structure that drastically might look strange to a more conventional employer. Has anyone had success doing something similar to what JS1 suggested?

Thanks to everyone for your responses thus far. I hope that other readers are gaining as much from this as I am. Have an awesome day!

[JS1]

Just constructive criticism - you could add something to the work experience without overdoing it

[nenupharvn]

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